My worklife has been quite alright, but trying to make proper friendships in the workplace is difficult sometimes.
I am not sure what my main point on writing this is, but I decided to do it anyway, kind of inspired by this post by my friend @isa. Today’s work from home day, so I decided to just type out a post and let time fly while I’ve got a bit of free time to do so.
Ever since I started a proper full time job during November of last year, I’ve had a great time learning a lot and getting better at the things I do. However there’s this weird sense of not belonging here. This is not the fault of my workmates, or that I am mistreated, or that I lack the skills to do my job (which I kind of still do, but its not the issue).
I just feel like I am too different, everyone but some interns and maybe some people I don’t interact with a lot, is 5 years older than me. Don’t get me wrong, I have older friends in the internet and even in real life. But my online friends are geeky like me or even more, and there’s this sense of freedom because we are behind a screen, kilometers away from each other. There’s times I would like to meet them, and at this point I think it would be really fun thanks to the great relationships I’ve formed with some, and the shared interests, be it reading, anime, gaming, Linux or whatever.
At work however, yes, I’ve met some people who like Star Wars or Casio watches. But that was during a Christmas party for the members of our department. I was a bit excited about this, but in the long run, I don’t really dare go out of my way to chat with them about those things during work hours. During lunch time everyone has their groups already formed, in my case, its usually the IT guys and my workmate who thaught me all I know for the job.
But they are adults, and at the same time, sound like older classmates or something. Almost no topic that comes up is of any interest to me, be it politics, concerts from artists I don’t care about, where they went on vacation (ok I’m just annoyed cuz I still don’t have vacation days lol). When I talk the most is whenever there’s some overlap where they need to do their part of a project for us to be able to do our part. Work stuff, not fun stuff.
Don’t get me wrong I have to admit I like the gossip sometimes revolving why some people leave, why some new people come and the conversations around that, can’t help it sometimes, but I don’t talk or contribute much either way—I usually just read some manga or check mastodon.
I just can’t see myself ever saying “Hey guys let’s go to my place and play some Mario Kart” or “Guys did you read that latest chapter of Sakamoto Days? That fight was something!” This is nothing new though, it’s been like that since my school days so there goes my age gap excuse. I’ve just never been on the loop of what most regular people do, and mostly interacting with different cultures rather than stuff in my own language doesn’t help my case. I end up feeling a bit lonely sometimes, but honestly, I don’t care that much.
Now, could I change? Of course, I have friends who I don’t share many hobbies with at all, it’s just that as I said, its hard to find any common ground, I don’t really want to pursue going for something more meaningful, I don’t know how much it is worth it.
Still, I do have a pretty good relationship with the people I work with. I try to help, be friendly and respectful. That’s of course what everyone should just do at work I think, so its not like I’m going above and beyond in my behaviour. Still, it’s surprising how many people just clearly hate it and still stay there, but the economy is not the best nowadays, so it’s understandable. In the end, things are alright as they are now, and I do have a nice group of IRL friends to play Nintendo Switch with outside work or other things. I just, wish I could be a bit more like them, interact more outside work hours, etc. So, we’ll see.
